


I ain't holding on for nobody else, it's gotta be you

by storiesthatmakeus



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Lots of sappy in love boy chat, Love, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 00:41:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14461347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesthatmakeus/pseuds/storiesthatmakeus
Summary: After Aaron runs into Alex, feelings of guilt he buried over being in a relationship with a man who wasn't Robert surface, leading to a late night conversation between the boys.Prompted by anon.





	I ain't holding on for nobody else, it's gotta be you

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya,
> 
> I was prompted by anon (thank you!) to write a fic where Aaron feels guilty over trying to move on from Robert and his relationship with Alex, and this is what I came up with. Hope you enjoy! xxx

‘’Aaron?’’

Aaron looked up from where he was curled in a ball on the couch to see Robert looking down at him from the top of the staircase, eyes sleep soft and hair flat against his forehead.

‘’Hey.’’

‘’It’s the middle of the night, what are you doing down here?’’

‘’Just thinking. Did I wake you?’’

‘’Bed was cold without you.’’ Robert said softly as he slowly descended the staircase, wearing his boxers and a t-shirt that Aaron recognised as one of his own. He never admitted it to Robert, but he loved the occasional moments like this when Robert would grab something of his to wear, throwing it to one side when he was finished with it. Aaron would wear whatever he had borrowed the following day, revelling in his husband’s scent being all over him, and it would make his heart flutter just as much as if Robert was right next to him, even if they were separated by scrap runs and meetings all over the country. 

‘’What are you thinking about?’’ He asked softly as he propped himself down next to Aaron, his eyes flickering all over his face.

‘’Nothing, it’s silly. Go back to bed.’’ Aaron replied, not entirely able to hold Robert’s gaze.

‘’Hey,’’ Robert said, cupping Aaron’s face in his hand as he stroked his cheek with his thumb, ‘’whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not silly, so talk to me yea?’’

‘’It’s…’’

‘’Aaron, you’ve been quiet ever since you came home. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it together.’’ Robert whispered, and Aaron felt a swell of comfort and safety as he looked into his husband’s eyes.

‘’Okay,’’ he began, taking a breath. ‘’I ran into Alex today.’’

‘’Oh…where?’’ Robert asked; his brief hesitation not missed by Aaron, who squeezed his hand gently to reassure him.

‘’Hotten. Stopped in the garage to fill up and he was just…there.’’

‘’And, how was it?’’

‘’Ok, I guess. Bit awkward.’’

‘’Well that’s to be expected.’’ Robert reassured him, but there was a question playing on his mind that he couldn’t help but ask. ‘’What did you feel when you saw him?’’

‘’Guilty.’’ Aaron admitted, playing with the hem of his t-shirt.

‘’Because of how you ended things?’’

‘’No.’’

‘’Then why?’’

‘’Because of what it did to you.’’

‘’Aaron, I’m not following.’’

‘’You were jealous, weren’t you? It hurt you to see us together.’’

‘’Why are you asking me this Aaron?’’

‘’Just tell me, please.’’

‘’Yea, I was jealous at first, really jealous but you remember that.’’ Robert sighed, both of them replaying the moment in the pub after Liv’s accident. ‘’But over time, I let the jealousy go. Not because I stopped loving you.’’ He added quickly, seeing Aaron’s face, ‘’but because I just wanted to be happy for you. Thought it was a better use of my energy.’’

‘’Even when you saw us together on my birthday?’’

‘’Especially then.’’ Robert admitted. ‘’It was the start of a new year for you then; I wanted it to be your best yet.’’

‘’You know that day, all I wanted was for you to come to my party at the Mill.’’

‘’You did?’’ Aaron nodded slowly.

‘’I even tried to ask my mum if you were coming, without actually asking if you know what I mean, but I guess nobody invited you.’’

‘’Alex did, actually.’’ Robert admitted.

‘’When?’’

‘’The day before. It’s when I heard the Rocky Horror Show idea.’’

‘’But you said no?’’ Robert nodded. ‘’Why?’’

‘’You’d been through enough, you didn’t need me fighting with your mum and adding to your grief.’’

Aaron looked at Robert in wide-eyed awe, his heart fluttering at his husband’s selflessness, and he squeezed his hand again for good measure. 

‘’Aaron, there’s more you want you want to tell me, isn’t there?’’

Aaron took a deep breath, gazing into Robert’s eyes, which were watching him intently, the concern and love all over his face making his heart swell. 

‘’After seeing him, I just couldn’t stop thinking about that day in the pub, you know at Christmas, before your accident.’’

‘’The day I made a complete and utter prat of myself you mean?’’

‘’The day you said you and me were meant to be together.’’ Aaron clarified.

Robert blushed slightly at the memory, averting his gaze as he tried to forget how much of a mess he had been, but Aaron lifted his chin up so he had no choice but to look into his eyes. 

‘’You were right, you know that.’’ Aaron said softly. 

‘’I shouldn’t have said it though. It was unfair to Alex and to you, with everything you had going on with Adam. I was just being selfish as usual.’’

‘’No, Robert you weren’t. You were all over the place with Seb and you needed me. I needed you too.’’

‘’You did?’’ Robert asked in surprise, and Aaron shook his head in disbelief that Robert didn’t realise it. 

‘’More than anything. You would have known just what to do about Adam, and all I wanted was you, but I had to pretend I didn’t; that I just wanted Alex.’’

‘’You know I was also right about him being good for you Aaron. It was probably helpful that he wasn’t so involved with Adam, because it gave you a break from the pain and the questions, so please don’t feel bad about being with him. ’’

‘’You really see it like that?’’

‘’Yea, and maybe that’s how you should too.’’ Robert suggested. 

‘’But how can I not feel bad? Everything I did with him just felt like I was betraying you, and us.’’ Aaron dipped his head, refusing to let tears come. ‘’I know we were over but I just couldn’t shake it, the feeling that I was cheating – ‘’

‘’Hey, look at me.’’ And Aaron did, first try and everything. ‘’You have nothing to feel guilty about, okay? I’m the one who cheated, not you.’’

‘’But you were hurting, I get that. You thought we were over and you wanted to lash out.’’

‘’Aaron, please don’t make excuses for me.’’

‘’I’m not, but with you it was one stupid night when you were drunk. I let him share my bed; share my home and my life. I was trying to move on from you Robert.’’

‘’Aaron – ‘’

‘’No Robert, let me get this out.’’ Aaron’s plea silenced his husband, and he carried on. ‘’I told him things, let him in, just a little, because I was trying to forget you, but it hurt because I felt like I was giving away a piece of myself that belonged to you.’’

Aaron paused for a moment, trying to steady his breathing. He itched for Robert to reach out and hold him, but he knew if he did then he would never finish what he wanted to say, so he ploughed on.

‘’I even slept with him, when deep down it should have been you sharing my bed, not him And you didn’t look at anyone for months. It took me moving him in on our anniversary before you even considered thinking about someone else. You thought I’d completely moved on, but I hadn’t, not at all.’’ 

Robert moved closer to Aaron, wrapping his arms around him as he pressed a kiss to his forehead, before linking their fingers together and looking him in the eye.

‘’Aaron, all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy; to feel seen and wanted, and loved. And I’d want that for you whether it’s with me or someone else.’’

‘’I never stopped wanting it to be you though, not really. I lied to everyone, especially myself, and I don’t want you to ever think that I don’t love you as much as you love me, or that I moved on easily…’’ Aaron whispered as he pulled back from Robert’s embrace.

‘’Come here,’’ Robert said softly, pulling Aaron back into his arms. ‘’Walking away from me, well…you did what you had to do for your health, and I’ll never stop being proud of you for that. And I know how you feel, trust me. It’s you and me, of course I know.’’

‘’But I just need you to know that –‘’

‘’Need me to know what?’’

‘’That I’m yours, all yours and I’m sorry I ever tried to give myself to somebody else.’’

Aaron risked a glance up at Robert, to see his eyes glassy with tears. He desperately wanted to kiss them away, but he settled for burying himself in the crook of his husband’s neck, revelling in his scent. 

‘’Aaron,’’ Robert whispered above him as he stroked his hair, ‘’never apologise for wanting to be loved, or to be happy. You deserve it more than anyone else I know.’’

‘’I love you so much Robert.’’ Aaron said, peeking up at his husband.

‘’I know. But I do actually love you more. I can’t help it.’’ Robert replied with a soft smile, and Aaron couldn’t help the soft grin that spread across his face. ‘’C’mon, let’s go to bed.’’

Aaron took Robert’s outstretched hand and followed him up the stairs to bed, where they slowly removed their t-shirts and crawled under the covers. They didn’t have sex, content just to wrap themselves around each other with the duvet acting as a cocoon, enveloping them in its warmth. 

They huddled under the covers, their wedding rings clinking together as they pressed soft kisses to each other’s lips and linked their fingers together. Robert pulled away at one point with a curious look on his face, which concerned Aaron, and he nodded slowly for his husband to speak. 

‘’You know, I never thought I’d say this, but I’ll always be grateful to Alex.’’

‘’Why?’’ Aaron asked, dumbfounded. 

‘’Because…he made you feel looked after, and wanted. He took care of you when I couldn’t.’’

‘’Robert…’’

‘’It’s true. I think…it’s sort of why I’ll always love Chrissie a little. Not like that,’’ Robert added, seeing the flicker of doubt in Aaron’s eyes, ‘’never like that, more…’’

‘’What, Robert?’’

‘’I’ll always love her a little because if I hadn’t met her, I never would have come home to Emmerdale; home to you.’’ Robert admitted. 

Tears began to well in Aaron’s eyes, and before he could stop it, one rolled down his cheek. Robert immediately reached out to wipe it away.

‘’I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you by talking about Chrissie.’’

‘’You didn’t; I just never thought of it like that before.’’

‘’Well it’s how I look at it now; maybe it’s the only way to look at it really. But you know – ‘’ Robert trailed off, and Aaron had to prop himself up and his elbows to see his husband properly.

‘’What, tell me?’’

‘’What you said earlier about always being mine, even when you were with Alex – ‘’

‘’Yea?’’

‘’It was the same for me.’’

‘’I don’t – ‘’

‘’I may have been in Chrissie’s house, but I was always yours Aaron, where it mattered.’’

Tears brimmed in Aaron’s eyes as Robert slowly stroked his hand over his heart, and he couldn’t contain himself any longer, reaching down to press a deep kiss to his husband’s lips. 

‘’I love you Mr. Dingle.’’

‘’I love you Mr. Sugden.’’ Robert replied as he pulled Aaron in. ‘’Sleep now. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.’’

Aaron rested his head against Robert’s chest, feeling the faint but steady beat of his husband’s heart underneath him as he slowly drifted off with a content smile on his face.

He had his husband, his best friend and his home back, and nobody was going anywhere.


End file.
